Must the end of life be the worst part?

It’s not every day that someone sets out to write a book on a common-sense approach to the end of his life. But when Eugene O’Kelly, the chief executive of the accounting firm of KPMG learns he has an inoperable form of brain cancer, he sets about writing just that book.

Amazingly he decides he has actually been given a gift. After all, though he has the terrible misfortune of only having a few months to live, the fact that he knows that his last days are severely numbered gives him a chance to set his affairs in order and to say a heart-felt good-bye to those who are most important to him.

Unusual Approach to Final Days

In his book “Chasing Daylight,” the type “A” personality approach used by O’Kelly during his final days may seem strange to readers. It certainly had to seem unusual to O’Kelly’s colleagues, friends, and family. But you don’t become CEO unless you have a sense for the big picture. One can tell from his writing that O’Kelly understands his approach seems more than a bit unusual to others.

He begins by asking two key questions. “Must the end of life be the worst part?” And, “Can it be made a constructive experience – even the best part of life?” He then acknowledges why he feels he has been blessed.

“Some people don’t think about how to make the most of their last stage because, by the time their end is has clearly come upon them, they are no longer in a position, mental of physical, to make their final days what they might have.”

He also makes a conscious decision to forgo chemotherapy. The extra few days he might have by virtue of the treatment are meaningless to him if he is going to spend many of his final days ill from the poisons of the chemotherapy. Though many of friends seem to think that he is giving up, his decision is made with the same nonsensical approach a CEO would use when a business venture goes bad.

Very Little Sentimentality

His one perhaps truly touching moment occurs early in the book when he relates his story about his then 14-year-old daughter. He recalls his thoughts the first time that she as an infant grabbed his finger. His thought was surprising, that he would one day have to say good-bye to her. It is a thought I now carry with me each time I see my first grandchild.

But true to his form, he then immediately follows the moment with a Steven Wright line. “I intend to live forever,” notes Wright. “So far, so good.”

You will not cry while reading “Chasing Daylight.” It is a book that is almost devoid of sentimentality as O’Kelly is a self-acknowledged “cut to the chase” kind of guy. As he describes his goodbyes with others, a process he calls unwinding, that “cut to the chase” mentality creates some awkward moments.

O’Kelly takes many of the people he wants to say good-bye to on a walk. The sometimes stilted goodbye that comes with the realization that it is more than just the last one he would take one with that particular person. In fact, most of theses walks were actually the first ones he had ever taken with that individual.

Once All Business

He also acknowledges one major error of his ways, that his great love for consistency was in fact a detriment to spontaneity. And now that he knows his days are numbered his desire for greater spontaneity comes through, yet he cannot seem to understand why others are not more spontaneous in their actions. When he realizes you can indeed stop and smell the roses he seems to forget that most people can’t do that every day.

The final chapter is written by his wife as his health deteriorates. As with Donald Murray’s book, “My Twice Lived Life,” it is the fact that O’Kelly and his wife never manipulate the reader that makes this book so powerful.

This book is not written by someone who seeks to honor a person who is dying (a la “Tuesdays With Morrie”). Instead, it is a book written by a man of courage who reveals that he is less than perfect. O’Kelly lets you see him firsthand for what he is yet still provides a lesson on how to approach one’s final days.