Existential Dread: First Grade and Compulsory Education

The Onion is well known for its satiric look at the news. Two weeks ago the site posted a piece on the opening day of school for first-grader, Connor Bolduc, 6.

It was a stark contrast to our post celebrating the start of a new school year. Whereas we attempted to offer an upbeat look by offering our eight videos to get the teacher juices flowing, the Onion sought to look at the opening of another year from the viewpoint of a youngster forced to give up free play for the drudgery of compulsory education.

Compulsory Eduation
The Onion portrayal begins:

“Connor Bolduc, 6, experienced the first inkling of a coming lifetime of existential dread Monday upon recognizing his cruel destiny to participate in compulsory education for the better part of the next two decades, sources reported.”

“‘I don’t want to go to school,’ Bolduc told his parents, the crushing reality of his situation having yet to fully dawn on his naïve consciousness. ‘I want to play outside with my friends.’

The Onion piece notes the sheer hell young Connor is in for:

“Basic math—which the child has blissfully yet to learn—clearly demonstrates that the number of years before he will be released from the horrifying prison of formal schooling, is more than twice the length of time he has yet existed. According to a conservative estimate of six hours of school five days a week for nine months of the year, Bolduc faces an estimated 14,400 hours trapped in an endless succession of nearly identical, suffocating classrooms.

“This nightmarish but undeniably real scenario does not take into account additional time spent on homework, extracurricular responsibilities, or college, sources said.”

Fictional sources offered that Connor was already pained by the process though his mother had assured the youngster that he could resume playtime when school was done for the year. Connor of course offered, “I can’t wait.”

The satirical look at the process of compulsory education was then held up against the youngster’s feelings regarding free play.

“The concept of wasting a majority of daylight hours sitting still in a classroom when he could be riding his bicycle, playing in his tree fort, or lying in the grass looking at bugs—especially considering that he had already wasted two years of his life attending preschool and kindergarten—seemed impossibly unfair to Bolduc.”

School Is Not the Answer for All Children
While the Onion is unequivocal in painting a portrait of school as a negative place, most of us in education want to subscribe to a differing view. The educator’s viewpoint would be more in line with the following portrait:

A youngster eager to learn arrives to find a welcoming teacher who not only loves children, but he or she loves teaching and learning. The child enters a classroom that is bubbling with excitement and full of opportunity, offering an environment that furthers the youngster’s natural curiosity.

Wonderful classroom resources and the caring teacher welcome each and every student to the world of learning, a setting that builds upon a student’s innate curiosity and desire for new experiences to introduce him or her to the fundamentals of reading, writing and mathematical skills. With the development of these basic academic skills, children are provided the opportunity to further explore the world around them, offering them even greater opportunities for learning.

Children from less advantageous homes are provided the opportunity to experience things that their parents simply are unable to offer. At the same time, social aspects also abound giving children the chance to gather in one location, to even have lunch with their friends. Meanwhile, playground time provides opportunities for additional play while those same children socialize with their peers.

A Different View of School
While this rosy picture is the view educators want to portray, the reality for many children is that school not only does not inspire them, it is in fact drudgery.

It could be because their school is not a welcoming or exciting place. Or it could be that the basic school expectations contrast so vividly with those of a home that is devoid of structure. For quite a few, weaker academic skills in the student create a sense of frustration when the student is unable to handle the academic expectations set forth.

Whatever the reason, for some students school is not the answer, it is actually the biggest negative in their life.

The description of Connor actually represents the extreme, given his age. The fact is that most kids who tend to dislike school do not begin to get a sense of drudgery or failure until they have been attending for a few years.

But the fact is school does become a problem for many children. And later on, if the feelings of negativity become deeply embedded, that child may even opt to drop out of a system that appears to have little to offer him or her.

Important to Hear the Perspective
The Onion does not simply dump on education – the article offers additional pain while discussing other aspects of Connor’s future:

“It’s difficult to know the effect on his psychological well-being when he grasps the full truth: that his education will be followed by approximately four decades of work, bills, and taxes, during which he will also rear his own children to face the same fate, all of which will, of course, be followed by a brief, almost inconsequential retirement, and his inevitable death.

“The first of Bolduc’s remaining 2,299 days of school will resume at 8 a.m. tomorrow. On the next 624 Sundays, he will also be forced to attend church.”

So The Onion notes that it isn’t just school that is an issue for young Connor. However, school is the place where educators work so it is the school aspect of the Onion’s piece that draws our attention.

Whether we call it a tongue-in-cheek or satirical view, the Onion’s glass half-empty piece is important for teachers to read. At a minimum, it will at least remind educators that not all children arrive at school thinking school is a great place or that education is the answer to any of life’s problems.

Such children offer enormous challenges. And these youngsters quickly separate the professionals from the teacher wannabes.

We remain hopeful that one of these days Connor will arrive in the classroom of a true professional educator. If he does, we think his view of the schooling process will significantly improve.

But we also acknowledge The Onion is on to one of the fundamentals of the world of a six-year old. Nothing can top the feeling that unstructured play provides a youngster.

Photos courtesy of Poppofatticus and Kibondo.