Obama on Parenting – Why You Should Consider Writing a Letter to Your Children

As the presidency of Barack Obama gets underway, a lot of commentary has emerged regarding the letter he recently penned to his two daughters. Because of the manner in which it was constructed, “What I Want for You — and Every Child in America” (contents below) has been considered a sentimental though suspect “production from the Barack Obama factory of oratory.”

I too must express concerns over public emotional displays that are actually best left private. Such seems to be the case here, a bit like a gimmick to help Parade Magazine as well.

Yet, the concept is a good one and every parent should take note. The letter, done more intimately, may be one of the most important steps you can ever take with your son or daughter.

A Letter to My Son or Daughter
I began my teaching career at a small, Catholic High School in one of Maine’s larger cities, Lewiston. One key aspect of the St. Dominic Regional High School experience was the senior retreat, a time when we took students off campus for a two day spiritual event.

The high point of the two day period was a session involving such parental letters. Prior to the retreat, we would contact each student’s parents and ask them to write a letter. If they could find the time, two letters, one from each parent was all the better.

We gave few directions. The letter needed to come from the heart and it needed to speak of what it meant to watch their son or daughter grow into a young man or woman. We acknowledged that there were no doubt many challenging family moments along the way, but as much as possible we suggested parents focus in on the positive aspects of watching their children grow. We also suggested adding a touch about the fact this was their child’s senior year and that they would soon be moving on to another aspect of their life would also be meaningful.

The distribution of these letters and the subsequent session where students read them silently to themselves was always extraordinary. In a matter of minutes most would be teary-eyed, including the typically most macho group, those teenage male athletes.

The reason was two-fold. First, parents found themselves writing about things they often had never taken the time to say. In some cases, the parents acknowledged they actually had not analyzed some of the situations until constructing the letter – they then found they gained new insights and perspectives when examining those events in retrospect. The sum total was that students were able to read about a number of things they had never talked about with their parents.

Second, there was the power of the written word, the magic of seeing positives written down on a piece of paper where the reader can go back and read them a second and third time. And by virtue of the parents putting their thoughts in writing rather than speaking directly, they were more open and more willing to be intimate in what they shared.

Taking the Concept With Me
Though I would move on to public education after six years at St. Dominic’s, I always remembered the power of those letters on our students. I decided it was something I wanted to do with my own children when it seemed most appropriate.

I did so, constructing such a letter for each of my daughters when they completed high school. In the case of one, the plans at that point were to immediately go on to school to study physical therapy. In the case of the second who had decided she wanted to take some time off before going to school, the letter also acknowledged the challenges of a parent seeing their youngster make a different decision than the one mom and dad had planned.

I was surprised at how easy they were to write and how much there was to say. In fact, keeping the thoughts to a meaningful minimum was the greatest challenge for this dad. Still, writing them gave me extreme pleasure, a feeling that I hope was matched when they read the letters.

Those were the two that I constructed and in retrospect I wished I had done a similar one for the day they were to be married. It was the perfect occasion for another heartfelt assessment of their growth and what it meant to see them take that next step in their lives.

A Great Concept
I was reminded of all this when I read Obama’s letter to his two wonderful young girls. The fact that he understands this human side so well is one reason so many are hopeful about his presidency.

The man appears to have much to offer.

And last weekend, he offered all moms and dads a truly wonderful parenting tip.

Obama’s letter to his girls:

Dear Malia and Sasha,

Love, Dad

Flickr photo courtesy of radiospike, Feverblue, Mr. Wright, thinairchi and Barack Obama.